this is the photo that inspired this thought process

While perusing through Hollister Hovey’s cute blog (and her international travels), I realized a profound thought: I don’t like skinny girls who don’t eat like normal people, i.e. skinny girls who decide that they only eat organic food, or that they don’t eat meat, or that they’ll never enjoy things like chocolate and cake. Or those skinny girls who make people like me feel awkward when they eat like a half a sandwich (and not half a footlong or something, but half of a normal, two-pieces-of-bread-with-some-lunchmeat sandwich) and then declare that they are “full.”  They must be lying.  Who can eat and ounce of food and then have no room in their stomach for additional gorging?!

Then I realized that I don’t like skinny girls who can eat whatever they’d like either.  You know the type.  Those girls who eat just as much pizza, cake, and ice cream as I do, never do an ounce of physical activity, then just happen to be nice and skinny as if they didn’t just consume 2000 calories in one sitting.

And I can’t leave out those skinny girls who have recently become skinny and act like they eat as much as me and don’t work out, when in reality, you know they are doing SOMETHING different because people don’t just drop weight by eating the same amount of food as me and sitting on the couch all day watching tv.

Pretty much, if you’re skinny, I may not like you.

This could be related to the fact that I have recently starting attending a Pilates class, which is more like a self-punishment class of perpetual pain three times a week that leaves you hurting for days after it’s over.  While doing some leg workouts, the class instructor asked about the newly built In-N-Out and her love of hamburgers.  YES! I thought. She’s a normal person and not one of those freak people who can survive on only barley. Now, don’t get me wrong.  she’s defintely one of the most fit looking people I’ve ever seen, but I feel good about it since oh she gets paid to work out like all the time (and people who work out ALL the time are bound to have SOME bodily benefits, right).

However, normal sized people have all my sympathies.  Let’s work out together.  Let’s eat together. Let’s talk about how much we hate skinny people together.  But if you’re skinny?  You have a LOT to live up to.  I subconsciously  expect you to have superhuman powers: to be able to run for hours, to be able to lift heavy weights, to be able to have the flexibility of a well-trained gymnast, and yet still be [less able] in things that I may also be participating in, thus allowing me a one up on you.

So if you are skinny and would like to be my friend, here are your requirements:

– You must have a normal appetite and eat normal foods.

– You must be VERY physically active, yet still run slower than I do.

– You must be lacking in other hobbies thereby making working out one of your hobbies while simultaneously making my life better than yours since I can enjoy things besides working out.

– You must NOT have a “really fast metabolism” or whatever skinny people use as an excuse for being so skinny.

– You must have a doable, easy secret that you can share with me, so that I can be skinny like you.

{dear friends, please don’t take offense to this. i love all my skinny friends as much as my not skinny friends.just consider this a humorous exercise in writing. since that’s a type of exercise i can handle.}