A few days ago, I received an email for Target informing me of the availability of their new collection by Rodarte. My sister and I went through the photos of the pretty clothes (really, pretty is the best word here) and discussed which ones we would like to wear.

Then yesterday, I finally got around to reading the December/January 2009/2010 issue of Teen Vogue (continues to be a favorite) that was in my pile of mail when I got home.  Fantastic, as always (as was the Fall issue of Eliza… which the fact that it was the “fall” issue being delivered in December is kind of bothersome… I wish they would just catch up by combining two seasons [i.e. fall/winter or spring/summer] and then publish in a more relevant manner, but this all is too much thought for this one post).

Even more fantastic was the discovery of little Tavi, a 13-year-old blogger who had part in the Rodarte for Target line.

Important things to note:

a: Isn’t Tavi a wonderful name?

b: Isn’t she living a dream life? Designers sending you custom goods, designers needing you to play muse…

c: Isn’t her weirdy awesome style amazing?

d: Did you see her blog? Don’t you love her self-portraits and her sense of style and knowledge of fashion at such a young age?

e: Why can’t I write like that?!

Yesterday, I was going through old pictures – London times, my time at the Elms – you know, the past.  I compared my old self with my new self. I’ve been trying to find some formula to my “style” – notebooks are full of random jottings and notes to experiment and discover some rhyme or reason. And during this process, I’ve discovered a desire for some sort of melding between how I used to be and how I am now.  I feel much more grown up, but I’m not, and I want a way to be grown up without having to grow up. (Confusing? Yes. Ask Peter Pan how he felt when we had to have an important conversation on my 21st birthday. You think this one’s a doozy….)

And then, this Tavi character entered and seemed to breathe new life into me… a bit of inspiration.  Perhaps she will remind me of more stylistic history and I will leave even more confused, but at least I’ll enjoy this bit of the process.

She reminds me of me when I was younger – except cuter, more daring, and with nicer stuff and thousands of followers. 😉  She reminds me of the me who used to wear multi-colored striped toe socks, who was a little bit insecure but oddly secure enough to be different, whose mother sewed in triangles of brightly colored fabric into my straight-leg jeans for a flared effect, whose socks never matched and were always patterned, who wore neon colored pants made of ripstop nylon, who let my sisters put every single hair accessory into my hair on my birthday.

And who I am now?

Perhaps I will never discover a style.  Perhaps I am destined to be a wanderer, a changeling.  Perhaps that IS my style.

But enough about me.  The real moral of these thoughts/stories is: check out the Rodarte for Target collection but don’t buy anything yet because I haven’t gone to the stores to check it out, and check out Tavi, the 13-year-old girl who I’m dying to be friends with.

{Scott Russell Sanders once said in an interview that thoughts are not linear, but are three-dimensional; they explode in all directions.  This is most definitely one of those thoughts.  And, since I am not as talented as he his, I apologize if this monologue seemed to be the results of an explosion into a million little pieces.}