This morning, I woke up yearning for fall.

Maybe it’s because I woke up early enough for it to be a little bit gloomy outside.

Maybe it’s because in the fall, I’ll be out of this state of alien-ness.

Maybe it’s because Brad (and baby) will be here.

Maybe it’s because fall brings cooler weather (which I’m sure I won’t be DYING for like I am now).

Maybe it’s because I always feel all back-to-school-y when August comes around regardless of my academic status.

Or maybe it’s because I’m dying for this sweater…

fall 2011
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Due to the release of Harry Potter 7-2 during my pregnancy month 7, week 2, I have cause to reflect on something that has always pestered me: change. As long as I can remember, I have had ridiculous anxiety over the idea of changes: my first year of middle school proved to be stress-ridden (for both me and my mother), my switchover to high school left a pit in my stomach, and the transition into college was rough to say the least.

In conjunction with my aversion to change, I also have an issue with things ending. However, this feeling is more complicated. I love the feeling of completion, yet hate the feeling of ending. I was excited to complete my high school career, but devastated that the particular chapter of my life had close. I love completing the reading of a book, but sad to see the story end.

Of course, we all know what today is: the release of the final Harry Potter film. Thinking about this gives me a slight bit of anxiety. I have anxiously awaited the arrival of each book and subsequent film. Each time a story ended, I was anxious to find out what would happen in the next one (much like the feeling that always seems to arise at the end of an episode of 24 – except the next book would be absolutely lovely and satisfying, unlike that let down that accompanies the 24 episodes). Each film ending made me anticipate the release of the next.

Yet now, the end will actually be the end. We’ve grown up with Harry Potter and crew. Remember when they were all just wee children? And the first Harry Potter movie was so much lighter, and it feels younger… because we were younger as well.

Little did we know back then that one day, Daniel Radcliffe would show off his goods. That
Emma Watson would become a lovely style icon. That Tom Felton would turn out to be quite the looker.That Richard Harris would not be with us through more than two films.

And now, it will all come to a close.

Naturally, the release of this movie snuck up on me (since with my current state of anxiety, this isn’t difficult to do). I haven’t even purchased tickets to see it, let alone decided on a date to see it. I feel like after all the years of anticipation and excitement, my current level of excitement is much to lackluster to merit the viewing of this film. In addition, I’m not quite sure I’m ready for this saga to end.

Now what will I obsess over and anticipate and get excited about? I didn’t even make plans to dress up (Snape was my choice since I think he is the unsung hero of the series – and since I look just like him if I skip washing my hair for a few days). How can I let this opportunity slip away? What will I now find as a new obsession?

Of course, my current state of elf-growing is also a cause to shudder at the thought of change and ending. All I can think of is the countdown until Brad gets home and then the countdown until the baby is out of my belly and then the countdown until I’ve recovered from the removal of said baby and then the countdown until I can start working out/eating less/getting rid of the extra baggage I am now so blessed to carry around. Unfortunately, I can’t just be satisfied with the completion of these waiting periods since I have made lengthy to-do lists that are not even a fraction of the way completed (isn’t that the way I go through life?). All I can think of is a wish for more time to accomplish the aforementioned tasks. But then my waiting becomes longer. But my wait time/project accomplishing window will end. And things will change. And new things will begin.

Although I don’t love my current state of semi-singleness, nor my state of impregnated-ness, I also don’t love the idea of it ending prior to my checklist being properly checked off. And isn’t it so sad that I spend my days counting down until the completion of something only to find that it has ended and I missed it and now I have to change and it will never be the same?

It’s like my little brother. I remember him as a baby. And a toddler. And how he’d open the door to my room at night when he was scared. I’d wake up to the silent sound of the door being opened. I’d pull out the trundle and let him sleep there. When he was 7, I left for college. And sometime since then, he blew up into this giant person.

Seriously?! When/how did that happen?! And now I’m going to have my own little baby. And knowing my luck, I’ll blink, and the baby will have grown into a giant person, just like my brother did. And because I’ve spent my time in countdowns and completions and avoiding change, I’ll miss the entire thing. And just like Harry Potter, it will sneak up on me without the proper amounts of excitement and anticipation.

 

Remember back when I used to blog? Me too.

Pregnancy crazy brain has taken on a new OCD form called “what I need to buy for my baby: go over the list about 1000x before going to sleep at night”.

So instead of sleeping, I try to decide what I want/need to buy.

a baby

 

 

For example:

– I want the Timi and Leslie Dawn diaper bag in Cloud Blue. Am I sure I don’t want it in black? Which will I like better? Do I need to get the cute mini as well?

– What “essentials” do I really need? I want a trash can with a lid for sure, and probably a thermometer because I see crazy brain’s next obsession being “is my baby sick/he feels a little hot”, and bottles seem like a general use, not to mention diapers (oh how I dread the thought of buying them already). Do I want a pump? Which pump is the best? Which diaper butt cream is the best? Am I missing essential items that I need/want?

– Will I find a glider on KSL for super cheap that I can cover in a gray fabric? Will I find a gray fabric? WHY DOES NOBODY MAKE MY IDEAL GRAY FABRIC?!

– Am I missing any books for my “now there’s a kid outside of me, what the freak do I do now?” library? Isn’t there an encyclopedia of new mom-hood that can teach me to breastfeed and read my baby’s mind?

– Must find Moby wrap. What color? Too many choices… I need something generally neutral. Black might get too hot, white might get too dirty, colors are a little bit gaudy (or do I love them?). WHY DOES NOBODY MAKE MY IDEAL GRAY FABRIC?!

– Baby will sleep in a playard. Check. Mom will pick out a good one. Will it be gray? I hope it’s gray. I want it to be gray. Thank heavens they make one in gray. Should I get a better one and sacrifice it being gray? Should I tell her that it is VITAL that the playard is gray? She can choose wisely, right? Maybe she’ll know other features that are more important than it being gray. Are there features that take precedence over the color gray?

Forgive me if my posting continues to be sparse; I might be checked into a psych ward shortly…

Someone please explain to me how I can make my life look like this:

via

Spent the morning staring at Toast.

Too many pretties to be wanted.

I’ve started a new addiction (well a couple, but we’re referring to this one specifically): pinning. I finally decided to join Pinterest because I realized it is a place online to store all the pictures that I keep on adding to folders on my computer (which, if you haven’t heard, has suffered a minor hiccup). I figured, why take up space on MY hard drive when the internet can store them all for me? AND it’s so much easier to organize than my having to constantly save things? AND they lay all these things out so pretty…

In addition to pinning, I’ve started a search for a diaper bag… I saw some of the Petunia bags at Nordstroms a month ago and decided that they just weren’t exactly what I wanted. Then, a friend pinned this style on Pinterest and I found the blue one and fell in love.At 1/3 the cost of the Petunia bag, my wallet fell in love too. Of course, I found another option that costs just as much in yummy black leather, but I’m trying to be a little bit practical… extra $200 towards diaper bag, or $200 towards new point and shoot?

I’m still in love with the idea of carry on travel (especially because I strategically had to pack my suitcase in order to fit some clothes for Brad and some food/frying pan/tupperware)… Thank goodness everyone else has it on their mind too!  Here are Piperlime‘s ideas for lightweight travel…

Still in love with horses and equestrian inspired themes. And trying to find a reason to make some fun ribbons (these remind me of my Elementary Science Fair days – ahh yes, so stereotypical that I won the Science Fair. A lot).

photo from Nie Nie Dialogues

This year, I keep going back and forth for what I want to do for my birthday. My initial plan was to throw a Junk Gypsies inspired party with mac and cheese, pulled pork sandwiches, a summer salad, homemade lemonade, and smores. Then I decided to opt against the party and instead put the $$ towards Brad’s golden birthday because I want it to be killer.

I’m also going back and forth on if I want to be in Utah for my b-day or in Vegas (Vegas is currently winning out because I want to get my herr did by Amrita).

Now I’m going back and forth between wanting nothing (or maybe a pair of glasses) and wanting an uber-expensive handbag (because if I have to spend that much money on it, it’s no longer just a purse).

However, I saw this photo today and decided that I think I’d like my birthday to include a lovely floral crown.

photo via Wikstenmade

How appropriate is it that on my daddio’s birthday, I’m thinking about mine?! That, my friends, is a sign of pure vanity.

I am constantly obsessed with the idea of what people look like when they are at the airport. I have an obsession with airports – people leaving, coming, going… where are they going? Why? Who are they seeing there? Have they been there before? Is it business? Vacation? Family emergency?

I don’t know what it is about travel, but people at airports seem to hold some sort of a secret… arrivers have the mystery of where they’ve been, departers have the mystery of where they’re going.

And, being the conceited person that I am, I always love looking at other people’s outfits/wonder what I look like or people imagine about me when they see me at the airport.

Luckily, I found Traveling Fashionista so I can stalk all those famous people who seem to manage to look incredibly chic whilst doing their arriving and departing.

I love this outfit because it’s awesome.

This is usually what my airport outfit looks like.

The blazer really makes a difference in her outfit.

They also had some cool articles on What to Wear on Airplanes, a 10 piece wardrobe (I’m a firm believer in not over-packing – I prefer to spend a week laying out my clothes and rearranging/editing so I don’t have more pieces than I need/will wear), Packing tips from Diane von Furstenberg.

Now to start laying out my clothes for Alaska! Countdown: 6 days!

ElleGirl sent me a preview of Forever 21’s fall collections! I had no idea that Forever 21 even thought in collections (well, I guess I knew that the stores were divided into concepts from Tia working at the GIANT F21 in Vegas… but I guess I didn’t realize that they weren’t JUST arranged that way).

For fall, there are four themes, which I am in love with (I think they picked all four when they thought of me):

Boho

Vintage Darling

Rustic Cabin

Midnight Angel

Boho
· Does this need an explanation?! It’s bohemian – flowy, hippie inspired, with a kind of Coachella vibe…

Vintage Darling
· Girly, lacy, sparkly, tea party fun!

Rustic Cabin
· Hello my obsession with Native American everything… leather + turquoise + outdoors + canvas = smile.

Midnight Angel
· For my inner rockstar – some days you just feel like you want to be awesome.

I love them all – do you have a fave?

Images via Racked

I love when Anthropologie sends pretties to my inbox. Like this outfit.

I think that I love everything about it… the amazing maxi skirt, the mixture of gold and silver necklaces, the chambray shirt, the belted waist, and the idea that I could wear a maxi skirt like this with a giant belly…

Yep. Love.

I would like to be the girl in this photo:

  • sunny surroundings
  • pretty plants
  • and most importantly: awesome yellow maxi dress

I think I want to live in maxi dresses all summer… so someone explain why my recent shopping trip consisted of me buying pants and tops?!

photo found via here

I love this so much.

rose gold + heart + daintiness = perfection*what size would I get it in?!(ring finger, pinky, pointer, half-link)

I am kind of in love with this tank.

Unfortunately, my impatience/need for instant gratification/current bodily state is preventing me from getting it.

A moment of silence please.

“Some [get] no further than accumulating these verbal snapshots. . . in the early, rough-draft stages, there are few things more pleasurable than bringing up a memory and transcribing it directly, like a wide-awake dream.” - Philip Lopate

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